You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
