Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
