google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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