i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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