He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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