Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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