You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
