Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
