you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
