Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
