I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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