Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
