I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
