There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
