The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
