i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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