Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
