if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize