it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
