Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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