The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
