i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
