were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
