At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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