You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
