don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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