god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
birth control should be required to get into college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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