I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So much rum. So many feels.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize