How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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