Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
