Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
