Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
