Dude my mom stole all your condoms
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize