so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize