i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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