Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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