I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
FUCK WHALES
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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