My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Come on in and take your pants off
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