I need help removing her.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
