my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
