New low: just hacked my moms facebook
either way he was missing a nipple.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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