Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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