its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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