ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
