You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
