When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
