We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
