So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
