dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
