I want to make a zoo with you.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
