I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
