it was like his penis was on wheels.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
