i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize