i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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