my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
