shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
