i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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