Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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