Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
