Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
