I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my poor anus
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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