I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Come see our sink grown plant.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We are all done wearing pants today
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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