I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
