he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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