all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
