Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
