I accidentally had phone sex last night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
