I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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