let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
