P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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