He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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