I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
