Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
