I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
