hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
