Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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