Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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