I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
