I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
