you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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