she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
worst night to have a conscience
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
