Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize