Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
