the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
