If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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