When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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