I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
